I WISH I KNEW

ann and david are in the area, and we had a great time with them over the weekend. i think we will see them some this coming weekend, but i don't know how much. bud and vina are coming in tomorrow or the next day, and we should all get together one day over the weekend. nothing went wrong, which is why i have no idea why the compulsion to cut is so strong. i cannot stop thinking about it, or fantasizing about it. i could not focus at work today. it was so hard to get anything done. i don't know how much longer i can deal with this. i have no idea what has triggered this. i have noticed that i feel so alone with my feelings of si. nobody around me knows about it anymore. i've had a turnover of friends, and i've not told coworkers. i have nobody to talk to about this. i wish i knew what was triggering this feeling.