SPINNING

i am totally inarticulate today. it's like if you opened my head up and looked in there would be a whirling mass of everything just blowing around. i am so confused, and unable to state anything clearly, that it is frustrating. the desire to cut is back, which i can deal with, but i have to shave my legs (or start braiding them), and that combination scares me. i went down and saw dr r today and she tweaked my meds. hopefully this works. i'm crashing at the wrong time. she leaves at the end of the month.

she is having a hard time leaving. i know she will be happy once she is gone, but the process of going is killing her.

i sure will be glad when i can relax, and the muscle tension goes away. my back ache, and headache have go to go. we are going back up on my meds, and will likely end up where i was before the weight loss. i just can't win. i wish crawling in a hole and sleeping for a while were an option, but that doesn't seem to be on the table.

i seem to have made it through my shower and have shaved my legs without incident. a task i'm not sure would have happened earlier today. it looks like tomorrow is going to be a slow day. i'm hoping to get to the gym. i really need to start doing some light lifting a couple times a week if i truly want to improve my running. i was going to go to dc, but that got cancelled. my house is in sore need of attention, and company is coming in a couple of weeks, there are also a couple of things i need to pick up at the store.

i have a boring life.

i start with the in-law invasion in two weeks, and i'm not sure i'm up for it. they will be here for three weeks, with everyone being here (maybe) for the last week. if i am exhausted now, i can only imagine how tired i will be when they are here, and we are going everywhere. maybe by then i will not feel that i am spinning out of control mentally.