BAD TIMING

i have spent most of the day in a bad mood. this argument with peter over the in-laws has got to end. it is ripping my stomach up, and i really want to cut. nothing is helping me feel better. my day was not a bad day at work, i was just in a bad day. it is hard to enjoy what is going on when your stomach is in knots. i also feel like there is an unusual amount of acid build up in my stomach, and i'm sure it is just stress. i have to let it go. if they can blow me off so easily, i have to learn to do the same. yvonne may come down when bud is here, and it will be nice to take her on a trail run around hashawha, but she in not committed, and they may only come for a couple of days if they do make it. i so do not want to go to new york to visit ann and david. i feel like i'm putting my life on hold for over six weeks just because them might spend some time with us. i'm tired of getting walked on, and they are not even here yet.

my mind is useless tonight. i've been staring at this screen for a long time. long enough to give me a headache. i see dr r tomorrow, but i'm not expecting anything. maybe i am more anxious than i realize about her leaving that i realize. i don't know. there really is no reason to be anxious or upset about that. i am significantly better now than i was seven years ago! if she comes back, or chooses not to come back, i will continue to be fine, i have no doubt. this episode just has very bad timing. my in-laws should have created this crisis a few months ago.

i don't have to work tomorrow. i'm going to take the dog for a trail walk, then go for a run myself. i also want to lift sometime. i wonder if i can get everything done in the morning? i got a good head start on bleaching the bathrooms monday, i could finish them after seeing dr r. anyway, just thinking out loud, i will probably do nothing in the afternoon, or take a spinning class.

i have decided to look more into trail running. it is a different branch. i want to go once in a while and do something different. i think that may be my new focus for 2010. i'm not sure what i'm doing right now though.