OBSESSION

it has not been a positive day. i keep fantasizing about how to hurt myself. i was in bed last night thinking about it, and kept coming back to it at work today. work is not a safe place for me. there are a lot of sharps, and a number of things designed to burn flesh there. nothing happened, and i am exhausted now from the xanax i took, but something has to change. i think it is time to reintroduce the neurontin. i have no desire to take more meds, but i guess i have to bite the bullet. if i don't do something, i will end up hurting myself. i've come too far to slide back now, it has been too long to move backwards.

the day itself was good. work was uneventful. i had dinner with my family, and that went well. tomorrow i have to get up early because i have a running clinic at charm city running, then i want to run long on the ncr trail. i haven't run long since the half, but that was only three weeks ago, so i should be in good shape. i've done a number of five mile runs since then, and ncr is flat.