LAST MINUTE PANIC

it has been a long interesting day(s). things had been fairly quiet. i had decided to do whatever with the in-laws whenever available, and not make waves. today i find myself conflicted with that statement, i think. i suddenly found myself off of work all day thursday, so i told peter i can be available to do whatever his family wants to do, but i needed to cancel dr r's appointment. we are going to dc, to which i am looking forward, but i am going to miss dr r.

i think i more worried that i will slip back and become the person i was before i met her. i am such a significantly more stable person now the difference is unreal. there is this logical part of my brain that knows that i will not go that far backwards, i just will not let it happen. if i see it happening, and teri can't stop it, she knows how to contact dr r., it is that simple. the issue is not that complicated. i am just going through a brief moment of panic.

i told peter that i cancelled the appointment to spent time with his family, and he said oh. i verbally chastised his for under reacting. i was upset that he did not appreciate the sacrifice i am making. he didn't even say thank you. not being shy, i told him i was not pleased with his reaction.

i am exhausted this evening, but it is a logical fatigue. i worked until ten last night, then got up a little after five this morning to run early. i thought i was going to work all day. barb ball called out sick, so i was only needed a half day, but if all providers were going to be there, i would have been needed all day. i actually got a later start than hoped, but ran three miles at the gym. apparently i was fairly focused. i only noticed a handful of other people in there, but when i left there were probably 30 cars in the parking lot! i was shocked when i noticed that many cars. there were no classes going on, i did take note of that, i was just obvious to what was going on behind me. i feel like i have more energy that i've had in a while, and should be in full training mode. i really want to push hard so i can get a good time in my va beach half marathon.