A BETTER DAY

today is/was a new day. i am glad i did not do anything yesterday that i regret. since two providers had the day off, i was given a bonus day off. i was totally non productive. i was shocked to realize that it was noon when i got out of bed. i kept trying to get up earlier, but my body would not let me. it just was not happening.

i wish i could say that i cleaned the house, or did something useful, but that is not the case. the most productive thing i did was walk the dog. i did some shopping, then went to the gym. i did a short elliptical run, then lifted. i am enjoying lifting more and more. there was also the first race in the twilight series with the westminster road runners. it was just a two miler. i finished last, but i showed up, and finished. i also met some others runners, some new to running, some who have been running for over twenty years. despite the heat, i enjoyed myself.

i stopped in at michael's today to pick up some bandannas for running, and also purchased some markers and something to color. i am hoping it will give my hands something to do when they want to be self destructive. i need a better place to go to when i am in that mind frame. yesterday was not a good day, and i do not care to repeat it, but i think i will, and soon. work it trying to kill me by having me continually do the work of two people. i am not able to run on days i work because i am so tired. i need to find an acceptable outlet.

teri gave me a couple of positive affirmations a few months ago. i pulled them out and looked at them today. one of them reminds me to give myself permission to not be perfect. i have to remember that. not all days are going to be good days. my head is going to betray me sometimes. i need to always remember that things turn back around, good days exist.

i see teri tomorrow. i wonder what else the day will bring.