CRAPTACULAR DAY

i was just thinking over the weekend how i had not had a migraine in over two months. there is a reason i don't think. the migraine started yesterday. i think it started because i was hungry. i tried to eat something at work, but osha regulations state that nothing can be out, so management had to say something. i still finished my fruit. but between the headache, and the fact that i get no dinner break (which caused the headach) i'm pissed off. it remindes me of the "talk" carolyn had with me a few months ago. the one where i am told not to complain so much, and that i am "free to find another job." on top of all that, heather is going around work stating "i don't know of any drama, do you know of any drama?" i just rolled my eyes at her. she is useless. i am just keeping my mouth shut and doing my job. i just wish i had a friend i could call and whine to. nobody cares.

PHYSICAL EXERATION

i pushed myself today, and i think it was a good thing. i went to bed early last night, but five am still came very early, and i ended up hitting the snooze bar twice. i never do that on a five am run! i was in shock when i realized it was 5:20. my plan from the beginning was to split my running up for today which turned out to be a good plan. we had the circuit overseer today at the kingdom hall, and i didn't want to miss him, or be late for his talk. i enjoy listening to brother jaskowski. i ran the bypass once, nine miles, in exactly 1:48. they were 12 min/miles, even. it was amazing. the hills felt good. peter and i went out for lunch, and when that settled, i hit the gym. i was hoping to get in five, but predetermined to be happy with three. i got to the gym a little before 4 and thought i had until 5, but it closed at 4:30, so i only got in three miles. i thought about pounding out the last two miles on the treadmill in the basement, but decided against it. what energy i did have left peter and i used to take the dog up to the trails at bear branch for a long walk. i am now exhausted.

i am again keeping a food journal, and it had been revealing this week. last week and the first of this week, i had energy. i lost that energy mid week, and missed my thursday run due to fatigue, i just could not make my body do it. i ate a lot more last week while on vacation. i didn't really gain any more weight either. i need to eat more, and do it daily. i get off track early in the week, and just don't focus on replacing the calories i'm burning. i am also terrified of gaining any weight back that i will not give a pound. i need to get over that. peter reminded me the other day that i need to enjoy the journey. i reminded him the weight loss journey is over, but he was talking about the running journey. i still enjoy running, and there is still improvement in my running that i want to do, that journey continues. if my not eating, or restricting my eating is holding that journey back, than i am not fully enjoying the journey. i hadn't looked at it that way. i need to feed the journey.

the meeting was good today. todd gave two good talks. he is a dynamic speaker, and i enjoyed listening to him. he emphasised the need to prioritise in this time of the end. we need to simplify, and not let materialism take over. we need to put jehovah first.

i also told peter over lunch how much i enjoyed hanging out with the family in new york, and how much i miss that here. i feel so lonely and isolated in my circle. i know a lot of people, but have no great friends. i feel very tied down to westminster with the house, but there is no guarantee that things would be better anywhere else.

FIFTY TO NOTHING

not the best day. i enjoyed the morning, and had fun out in service. i worked with olivia for the first time in recent memory, and really enjoyed it. she it turning out to be a very interesting person, but i do think she will be more like aunt eileen than either parent wants to admit. we had lunch with the jakowsky's. they should qualify for full time circuit work soon. they are a nice couple, and we very much enjoyed ourselves.

that is where the energy ended. i need to learn to eat during the day, and even when i'm not hungry. i got full quickly at lunch, so brought half of it home. therefore i had no energy for my six o'clock run with lori. (we ran the trails at bear branch.) i was pathetic. i had so much energy earlier this week, and i'm sure that is because i ate so much more last week while on vacation. this week i'm back to feeling bad. i was trying to figure out what i was going to do for my long run on sunday, but i'm just going to have to fuel up tomorrow. the really good news is that i can have ice cream tomorrow night.

everything else this week has been uneventfull except carolyn has been out this week, and karen is seeing how poorly heather treats alicia. the truth is begining to come out. i also told karen about a "chat" carolyn had with me several months ago which explained to karen why i think my opinion there is viewed as lower than dirt. but, karen thinks carolys is begining to see the reality in is getting tired of all the complaining. we will see.

BACK TO REALITY

mondays are always difficult. today was no exception. i did not want to get up, nor did i want to go into work. work is the same a usual. it is interesting to note that karen is noticing that heather is a bigger complainer than she realized. she is also coming to note that heather is the most immature of the nurses. she is targeting alicia. i have no idea why she wants to get her fired, but that appears to be what her goal is. karen and i had a brief chat at the end of the day today, and that is what she was saying. i shared with her the observation that heather did the same thing with krista. as soon as she managed to twist the knife enough to get krista fired she started in on alicia. heather does not realize that we have a good crew of nurses, and she should appreciate a positive work environment. i just want to work in peace. is that asking too much. i mean really since i don't have any friends around here is asking for a decent work environment asking for too much? anyway, it should be a good week, but i'm tired, and am going to bed. i have to work and run tomorrow. we are going to the kingdom hall in the evening, we have the co visit this week, so much is expected of us.

DAY AFTER RECOVERY

i could not get up this morning for anything. sharon was going to the district convention today so i had to pick up the dog early. i managed to get up at six and pick her up and walk and feed her early. i was thinking i would look over my tower, maybe slip in an early run, and get the meeting. i thought i would be able to sleep in the afternoon if i was tired. the part of my body that existed after seven am thought otherwise. it fell immediately asleep, and continued to sleep for three hours! i woke up had a big breakfast, started laundry, and went to the gym to run a hill routine. over all not a productive day. dinner was made, and there are left overs for peter to eat for the next couple of nights, but i really am a lazy house wife. i have three bathrooms and a kitchen that are begging to be cleaned, and i was able to ignore them all.

i would love to say i missed my friends while i was gone, but since i have no friends, that is not the case.

VACATION--PARTY--WHOO-HOO

I LOVE MY EXTENDED FAMILY. i could not have married into a better family(s). too bad the fun ones live far far away. i could not have asked for a better more relaxing vacation. from the drive up to the drive back, it was totally unremarkable. we made it up there in about nine hours, and no major traffic back ups, found the key to yvonne's apartment without innocent, and let ourselves in. that night, sunday, was the only night that i had trouble sleeping. i think it was because it was from all the caffeine i had during the day. i awoke at five to get in a twelve mile run before leaving. the day was long, but so worth it. i drove to almost albany, then slept for about an hour. it was not as difficult a day as i would have thought. i think i am getting used to the long run which makes me very happy. i am recovering much faster from the long run.

yvonne took as much of the week off as she could, as did ann and david. vahe had to work almost every day, but took thursday off, and tried to take long lunches or get off early. they had been having bad, rainy weather, but the sun came out for our visit. we could not have asked for better weather. since we are a group of indecisive people we did not much on monday, i think we did a little light shopping so we had some food in the apartment. i didn't want to eat every meal out. there were three afternoons that we, peter, ann, david, yvonne, and myself lounged around the pool. it was nice to put on a swimsuit and do nothing. the first day i dove into the freezing cold water so i would be the first in just so i could say i was first. i want right to the shallow end say on the steps, and read my book. i have learned that i very much enjoy sitting on the steps in shallow reading.

wednesday we went to the co-op and marie showed me some of the stuff that is there. i got some whole-grain pancake mix. i am trying to eat more whole grain. yvonne also had the entire lange-barber group over on wednesday night. it was great hanging out around the pool talking to the people whom i consider my extended family. these are the people i choose to be related to, and since ann married david i sort of am. they have all invited me into their family. that is a nice feeling. i miss that. that is some of what i miss about the north country.

thursday we went to burlington vt. that was fun. we were afraid of rain so we piled everyone in the van, and took that over. we did church street, and the mall. there are some interesting stores there. it is amazing that it can be so close to a big body of water, and yet so mountainous. when we were done with that area we went to another mall on the way back to the ferry. we met up with marie and sidney. she was just a few months old when we moved. she is now such a lange-barber. she had the exact same entertainment taste as peter and marie, it is uncanny. it was a lot of fun getting to know her better. however, no trip to the north country would be complete without a trip to the keysor web. that was done thursday night. we had to take two cars because we knew there would be an early group to leave and a late group to leave. i was in the early group, we made it until 10:30. i had a great time catching up with gina and whitney. they know how to entertain. peter and david stayed until after two!

friday i got up early and ran cumberland head. i wish we had a body of water for me to run around. it was so nice. it is a six mile road. the first three miles is by water, the north end is not as scenic, and a bit hillier, but not bad. my time is not as great as i would have liked, but i was not going for time, i went for the views, and they were great. i ran on tuesday as well. i took yvonne's dog misty, and she is the laziest dog in plattsburgh. i had to pull her the three miles on the point au rouch trail. it was only about three miles, but it also had great scenery, and had water views on both sides of the trail. there is no water around here. i know there is some in pa, but i don't know exactly how to get there. i am going to have to find that out.

overall it was a very relaxing trip.

to describe the drive back as uneventfully would be a major understatement. we made it back in eight and a half hours! there was absolutely no traffic, anywhere! i was very sad at times though because i felt i was leaving my friends again. i honestly feel that i have no friends here. i have lived in westminster for 18 years, and have nothing to show for it. the friendships i have made over the years have all moved, and i have lost contact with all of them. i honestly think if i moved a way nobody would notice. i had some great friendships in the north country, and people make it a point to see us when we are in town. i know things would be different if we lived there, but i have a sense of family there that i don't have here, even though my biological family lives here. i have a feeling of friendship there, that i don't have here. if the true mark of a person's life is the imprint they leave on another person's live, then we did more good in two years in the north country, than 18 years here.

LEAVING SOON

had a good run this morning, and hoping for a smooth drive to plattsburgh. we would be gone by now, but peter is dawdling as usual. we are on no set schedule, so i guess it does not matter. we are not going to see his sisters until tomorrow anyway. i am excited.